Jenny Knipfer–Author

 I have a confession to make. I have not been reading or writing much, lately. Not like I used to, every day for an hour or two. I have other things on my mind, and I don’t have or make the time. That feels weird to me to say. Characters always seem to be speaking in my head, and I’ve never not read, except for about six months, some years ago, when I was having migraines on a daily basis. Thank goodness I am past those days. But what is it that has kept me from reading? From writing?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’ll be turning 50 this summer, and I find myself reevaluating what I’m spending my time on. I may have very little of it left—time. At least quality, functioning time where I can actually do something. I have no idea when my MS will take more from me. It could be the slow gradual decline that I’ve been experiencing. That’s been like watching the corn grow. You know it has grown by how tall it’s gotten and how deep green and long the leaves have become, but you can’t say when it’s grown. It just has.

Or I could wake up tomorrow and have any number of terrible possibilities happen. It’s like living in an unpredictable war zone. With MS, anything the nerves govern can go awry. From eyesight and movement to bodily functions, and even the autonomic nervous system can be affected, like heart rate, blood pressure, breathing… You get the picture.

All this to say that I am rethinking how I want to spend my days, how I want to move forward, and I’m not sure if it’s continuing to write and publish books. Is that the best thing I can leave behind? Is there something else that would be better? I’m not sure yet. And I’m not sure that writing is making me as happy as it used to. Some portions of my days are spent in frustration over one thing or another in the indie publishing world. I’m becoming weary of the cost marketing has become to my wallet, my peace, and my time. I’ve decided to get through my series this year and aim for publishing my fairytale book early next year, but beyond that I cannot see. I need to pray and think about what the next few years hold for me and how I can best spend my days. 

If you have been following my writing journey, I would appreciate your prayers as I pause to consider how to move forward.