Jenny Knipfer–Author

Writing to inspire, encourage, and enjoy

Me with my first book, Ruby Moon

 I have a confession to make. I have not been reading or writing much, lately. Not like I used to, every day for an hour or two. I have other things on my mind, and I don’t have or make the time. That feels weird to me to say. Characters always seem to be speaking in my head, and I’ve never not read, except for about six months, some years ago, when I was having migraines on a daily basis. Thank goodness I am past those days. But what is it that has kept me from reading? From writing?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’ll be turning 50 this summer, and I find myself reevaluating what I’m spending my time on. I may have very little of it left—time. At least quality, functioning time where I can actually do something. I have no idea when my MS will take more from me. It could be the slow gradual decline that I’ve been experiencing. That’s been like watching the corn grow. You know it has grown by how tall it’s gotten and how deep green and long the leaves have become, but you can’t say when it’s grown. It just has.

Or I could wake up tomorrow and have any number of terrible possibilities happen. It’s like living in an unpredictable war zone. With MS, anything the nerves govern can go awry. From eyesight and movement to bodily functions, and even the autonomic nervous system can be affected, like heart rate, blood pressure, breathing… You get the picture.

All this to say that I am rethinking how I want to spend my days, how I want to move forward, and I’m not sure if it’s continuing to write and publish books. Is that the best thing I can leave behind? Is there something else that would be better? I’m not sure yet. And I’m not sure that writing is making me as happy as it used to. Some portions of my days are spent in frustration over one thing or another in the indie publishing world. I’m becoming weary of the cost marketing has become to my wallet, my peace, and my time. I’ve decided to get through my series this year and aim for publishing my fairytale book early next year, but beyond that I cannot see. I need to pray and think about what the next few years hold for me and how I can best spend my days. 

If you have been following my writing journey, I would appreciate your prayers as I pause to consider how to move forward. 

16 thoughts on “A Confession

  1. Annette says:

    I am praying.
    Recently I made a big change, moving away from a leadership role I’d had for a while. However, after I made that change, I was asked to be involved in something new. I know God has a plan. I trust in Him-this includes the details of the process.
    I’ve had a rough couple of days with pain myself. Hoping today will be better than yesterday.
    I am praying for you, dear one!

    1. Thanks so much, Annette! I’m so happy to have the support and friendship from those I’ve met online. I’m glad a new direction was opened for you. Praying we both have days that are a little more pain-free. ❤️

  2. Erralee says:

    Definitely a lot to think about. Prayers and hugs as you make all these decisions.

    1. Thanks so much, Erralee! And thank you for being a dedicated advanced reader. Your kindness is much appreciated.

  3. Thinking of you and you are always in my prayers! I know the feeling as I’m getting older and age and physical condition is taking it’s toll.

    1. Thanks, Lori. I am blessed to have the support of faithful friends like you. 💗

  4. Karis Jentink says:

    Love you Aunt Jenny! It is very brave of you to confront those thoughts and realities. I’m excited to be able to be a closer part of your life in this next season, whatever it may bring:)

    1. Thanks, Karis. 😘 I am so looking forward to you being with us and getting to know you more deeply. I hope we can learn and grow from each other, by those things the Lord has taught or is teaching us.

  5. lanajburton says:

    Dearest Jenny, I’m praying for you to find that place of peace, SHALOM, which is the peace that only comes from our LORD. It can’t come from any other source. When you have found IT, I believe you will know it. I will be praying for you, my Sister in Christ. I love your heart and soul, no matter what direction or decisions you make. I’m so glad to have had this special time we’ve had together! 🤗🙏❤️💚💜

  6. I can relate to much of this. Self-publishing is very frustrating and expensive at times. I don’t know what my future holds either but so far I am still enjoying the writing process. We will see how long that lasts! I don’t have the extreme issues you have with your health but there are issues which limit me and make me wonder what my future holds too. It can be vey frustrating and exhausting and while I try to hand it to God, I often snatch it back, sadly. Hang in there and know you are not alone in your worries.

    1. Thanks, Lisa. It helps to know that you can relate. I’m glad our paths intersected and we became friends. Thanks for encouraging me, as I hope I have encouraged you. I guess that’s what it’s all about, helping each other along this often crazy journey of life.

      1. You have encouraged me and inspired me. I’m amazed at your strength, but you don’t always have to be strong, as you know. You’re allowed to be tired and weak and not sure about things. There is nothing wrong with taking a little breather from writing if you need to. I have a feeling, though, that the stories will come running after you and won’t let you rest until you write them down. That doesn’t mean you have to rush into publishing them if you do write them. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Life is certainly not easy at times and the extra health stuff (though yours is sooo much more challenging than mine) just adds to it. It can be hard to trust God in those moments, wondering what he is up to. I try to remind myself that it is in those moments we are held.

  7. Tammy Layton says:

    Sending you prayers. Take the time to figure out what is best for you. We will be here with you no matter what path you take. Our friendship is forever and it’s more than just you being an author and me as a reader. I truly care about you and pray for you daily

  8. kayerbug says:

    Jenny I’m so sorry for the MS and other ailments that you suffer from.
    I too have many ailments to keep me from doing what I like to do or want to do. I will keep you in my prayers 🙏. My Sweet Friend. Your Friend, Kay Enderlin ❣️

    1. Thank you, Kay. That’s very sweet of you. Thank goodness we have the Lord to rely on, but also these added blessings of encouragement from those He brings in our lives. Thank you for your kindness. 💗

  9. RobbyeFaye says:

    I am so sorry to hear of your physical (and probably very emotional ones, too) debilities. I know they can be overwhelming at times.
    I’ll add you to my daily prayer list and be praying for you.
    Many blessings and prayers~🙏🤗💖

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