Jenny Knipfer–Author

Best-selling Christian historical fiction author, Jenny Knipfer, shares her books, inspiration, thoughts on life and writing, and book reviews. Purchase Jenny's books, read her blog, or listen to encouraging podcasts, highlighting the life of a writer.

It’s been so long since I blogged for the joy of it, it makes me anxious thinking about doing it. But here I am, blogging anyway, because I’m a writer. This shouldn’t be hard or feel awkward, but it does.

Perhaps I have nothing worth saying anymore. Nothing motivational. Certainly nothing great. Though most of my days stretch wide open for writing, I barely get any done, in my work in progress or here in cyberspace. 

That makes me sad, makes me grieve, because multiple sclerosis has hacked at my writing like it has every other creative pursuit I’ve ever engaged in. My days are so filled with battling fatigue and pain that I have little energy to give to anything else, to say nothing of my decreased strength, sensation, and dexterity, making life increasingly challenging.  

Not long ago, I pulled out my beading stuff to make some bookmarks. After multiple failed attempts to form a simple wire loop and string on a bead, I gave up. I think the door has firmly closed on my bead-craft days. Sigh…

A few days ago, on a whim and to see if I could, I picked up a ball of smoky turquoise yarn and started on a simple crochet stitch with the goal of a scarf in mind. A foam handle attached to the crochet hook helped my more disabled hand hold on to it, but I hadn’t foreseen that I could not keep my left pointer finger, on my better hand, erect to hold up the yarn. It kept falling down, which made me drop the yarn, and with every other stitch I had to rethread the yarn through my fingers again. After fifteen minutes of that I gave up.

Last year, I downsized my crafty space from a whole room to a corner of a room. Today, I fondly gaze at my craft corner in my living room and face the fact that I can no longer do any of it with any sort of proficiency. Mostly, I just get frustrated when I attempt to travel down the once well-worn crafty path. 

What will I do if I can’t create anymore? What will happen when I write “The End” in a novel for the last time? I don’t know. It sounds like death to me. Death to everything familiar, everything I enjoy or have enjoyed doing.

I sigh, take a deep breath, pray, and listen to bravery calling to me on the other side of the ravine where every creative pursuit I once loved is buried. Do I explore, cross over the past or soon-to-be-past into the future of the unknown? When there’s no other choice, I suppose I’ll have to. The lack of choice never fails to pry us from our well-loved joys and comforts. Just thinking about the loss makes me want to have a proper tantrum, worthy of a two-year-old, but it won’t do me any good. 

So, I’ll lay aside, give away, or gracefully depart from what craft I can no longer do and make a crafty end of it. From this vantage point, the future for my very creative soul looks rather like a black hole, but I must have some faith that my days ahead will be filled with other joys I have not tasted yet. 

Please, God let it be so.

17 thoughts on “A Crafty End

  1. etikser says:

    I think you do a great job with your writing.

  2. Thank you so much! ❤️

  3. Linda McCutcheon says:

    Thinking of you with hugs and prayers🙏💖

    1. Thank you, Linda! 🥰

  4. Judy Abel says:

    Awww, Jenny, my heart cries out for you! Prayers go out to our Lord! I’m wondering have you considered recording your thoughts, your stories by speaking into a microphone? It would be neat if someone could then type/transcribe them for you and then verbally you could edit/draft them into a book. Just a thought. Love and hugs!! Judy

  5. debbiejpruss says:

    Jennifer, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I am sorry that it is harder for you to do crafts. I know how much joy it gave you. I do not know what doors the Lord is going to open or close, but know that He is always there holding you as you walk this journey.

  6. Bambi Rathman says:

    I truly believe that God well use your craftiness in ways He will show you. By His strength through you. Lots of blessings, love and hugs to you.

    1. Thanks so much, Bambi! I appreciate the encouragement. 💗

  7. Patti says:

    The great Creator, God Himself, understands the creative person’s needs. Though this temporal world is fading, eternity awaits with pleasures far grander than those we’ve know. May God bring new joys until that day.

    1. Thanks, Patti! I am so glad He understands me. I need to remember that. 💗

  8. Ruth says:

    Thinking of you and praying after reading your blog today. Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair. May you find comfort in the knowledge that your writing has been a blessing and inspiration to many!

    1. Thanks, Ruth. It sure doesn’t. I need to remember that. Thank you. 💗

  9. lanajburton says:

    God filled your little pinky with as much creativity as most humans have in their entire body, so I’m going to venture to say, He will show you another release for your active imagination and wonderful inborn talents that He gave you. It may be something you’ve never heard of or thought of, so be aware of that and be ready for it!

  10. lolson232014 says:

    You are saying goodbye to your crafts, yet not to your creativity. Have you thought of writing a children’s book for your grandson’s? Something about your life growing up, stories about their dad and uncle as little boys getting into mischief?

    1. That’s true. No, I haven’t, but I’ll think on that. 😊

  11. DeHut Farms says:

    Let me tell you something little sis
    As days go by every one of us come to grips with things we can no longer do as we once did ms or not it happens to us all

    I hear your calls for life as it once was
    It opens a giant sink hole of days gone by an makes me sick about the best of times and people that disappear

    We can only hope there is something as more rewarding to come

    Know that I love u so much

    Don’t give up on life till it is taken from u I pray for all of us it will be swift when the day comes

    I am only a simple farmer who loves the land that some day I will have to give up like the men that came before me

    It’s what we did with are time here that counts

    Making yourself impossible to be forgotten by others speaks for itself

    There is more to come keep your chin up

    Tim

    1. Thanks for this! It means so much. ❤️You’ve got me crying. Love you lots and miss you.

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